"I'm sure you'll be ok mommy."

Matty called and asked if we wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese's. Ollie was asleep, I hadn't eaten lunch, etc. and I told Zoey that I was really sorry, but she'd have to go without me. Her response: "I'm sure you'll be ok mommy." Too cute. I'll make it, despite missing out on all the fun of Chuck E. Cheese.

Tonight is the annual pie auction at church. (Everyone bakes a pie, they auction them off and donate the money for missions. Really good pies go for a hundred or even two hundred dollars, since it is really just a donation to missionaries anyway) Matty is the auctioneer. It is an event that I always mark time with. When Matty was a DM, I remember paying a hundred bucks for a pie. Now, with two kids, and Matty in college, that seems astounding. However, back then, we were living in a different reality. By the way, the best part of that is that NOW things are so much better, not then. I like that money is not the deciding factor in our happiness. This year we'll be throwing our money in to the chinese auction buckets!

Beforehand, there is a pass-a-dish dinner. I can't even explain to you how much Zoey loves these church dinners. She asks me every week if there is one. (We actually have a dinner for something about once a month, sometimes more) She loves chatting in line, socializing, etc. I have to admit, I am pleased that she is like us in this way. Matty and I really like the social aspect of our church. She fits right in to that. She'll go to nursery while the pie auction is on.
I'm also glad that she has her little friends there. Even when I feel disillusioned with our church for one reason or another, I am always happy with the social parts of it.

I can't believe it, but Monday I go back to school. Our whole schedule is going to be turned upside down. It will definitely be an adjustment. But, like everything else in our Chandler household, nothing really stays the same. This little schedule will only be for June. Then, we'll move in to the summer schedule! It is a good thing we are all flexible. I don't know what we'll do when Matty is teaching. All of us on an 8-3 schedule will be nuts! I'm sure by then we'll be ready to settle down.

I'm going to run. Started another Wallace Stegner book, but I'm not getting into it very much.
Amber

"It is such a secret place, the land of tears."

Aaah...silence at last. Today, for some unknown reason, Ollie cried (when he was awake) for about six hours. Zoey and I both were a nervous wreck by the end of the day. I don't really know what was wrong with him, but he is fine now. I, on the otherhand, am exhausted. I chose the bird picture because there are two nests on our backporch, both filled with baby birds. You can hear them chirp for food incessantly--until the mama bird comes back. That, my friends, has been my day. Ollie eats like a little piglet (11 pounds 2 ounces at 7 weeks--up from 7 pounds 13 oz at birth). I feel constantly like a food delivery system, which, by the way, I know I am. And, when you have a three year old who pretty much grazes all day and doesn't eat a full meal--well, you get the mama bird analogy.

I don't know how my sister Brandie did it. Parker, her oldest, had colic and cried for four months straight. I would have lost my mind. Ollie has never cried this much, and I hope that it never happens again. Zoey had one day like this. I think it was 4th of July her first year; there were fireworks, I remember that. I remember crying on the second story deck--both me and her crying.

It is amazing to me that Ollie will grow up and be able to tell me what is wrong. That he will never remember whatever was ailing him today. Will never remember that I held him ALL DAY! I think about this all the time. What would happen to him if I let him "cry it out" like some people would advise? If so much of our "core" is created in the first three years, how can parents do it so differently, all of us thinking we are right. AAAH! No one told me being a parent would be so philosophical. I remember getting pregnant with Zoey and being overwhelmed by the pure potential that we had created. A whole human, or as Matty said, "I'll make my own people!" With Ollie, I kind of forgot that, until today. I spent today wondering who he is and who he will become. He's starting to smile and look a lot like Zoey now. I hope he takes after her...

Anyway, as you can tell by the incoherent babbling entry, I am exhausted. Going to veg out with Sunday night tv.
Amber

“Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.”

Anyone who has ever been to York Beach in Maine will instantly recognize the contraption to the right. It is the famous taffy machine. The taffy shop at the center of the beach town has huge windows allowing the passerbyers to watch as taffy is stretched, literally, from one end of the store to the other. It is really cool.

In my idle time, I have been planning our vacation. We are going to New Hampshire and Maine for the week of August 18th. We'll be staying in Dover--our old stomping grounds and Matty's home town. But, we'll be making mini-day trips all over. We're going to Canobie Lake Park, York Beach, Water Country, and Portsmouth. All of this, of course, with a three year old and a then 4 1/2 month old. Should be interesting! However, Matty and I haven't been on an honest to goodness, stay at a hotel-not-a -relative's-house, vacation since our honeymoon. We are both excited. Zoey is saving all of her "tips" (our version of an allowance) for her souveniors.

I'll be excited to see my New England friends. I hope that I get a chance to get together with Mary, Paula, and Sherry--my teaching buddies from NH. I look back at those days and really love these three women; they were all mentors in different ways. Mary groomed me from day one to be a department chair. She also taught me how to be have a tough exterior. Paula reminded me to love the kids. Sherry reminded me early and often NOT to have kids until I was good and ready because they change everything (boy was she right!). They all taught me how to be a teacher, in one way or another. More importantly, I think they taught me how to be me. All of them were very accepting of me when I was 22 years old, eager, overachiever, etc.

Tonight we are going to the Southgate Plaza carnival. If you hadn't noticed, I have an obsession with free things to do. I like to be out and about, but don't really want to spend a bunch of money when we may have to leave due to a melting down baby or a toddler who peed her pants. So, I search for free (or cheap) stuff to do. I also think it is a great lesson to teach Zoey. She knows about festivals and conventions, yard sales and demonstrations. (Though we had to leave the cooking demonstration because she wanted to tell everyone how to do it! Future teacher? Actress? Definitely my child)

Anyway, the sun is shining, the children are napping. I am going to find some iced tea and tonic water (don't ask--I am obsessed with this. It's actually really good!) and a book. More later.
Amber

"Boredom: the desire for desires."

Yeah, I'll quote from Anna Kareninna (sp) without actually finishing it. That is me today: bored. We are going to a birthday party at 4:00, but that is still hours away. Nothing much to do. Zoey is content to hang out, Ollie to sleep, but I am yuck! It is raining outside, which contributes to my mood. I like rain--oddly though, I don't like being stuck at home in the rain. I'd rather go for a drive.

Enough complaining though. Instead, that just reminded me of something else. Yesterday Zoey was talking about flying. I asked her what she'd do if she could fly. She said, "I'd go to Tim Horton's and buy myself a coffee." This kid cracks me up. She LOVES coffee, as do I. Every morning I let her have the last sip of my coffee. She loves it. Anyway, I've told her that when she turns 13, she and I will go out for coffee. A rite of passage of sorts.

Matty is having a blast in New Hampshire, and I am so glad for him. He really needed a break. He called last night from Fenway Park. The Red Sox had rained out on Friday night, so he was able to get scalped tix for the make up game. I could hear the crowd cheering, and I could feel Matty's smile. He is hanging out with his friend Bram; they have been friends for a really long time. I envy him that. I didn't keep in contact with people from high school and only very few from college. I'm just bad at it. Once I leave a place, I generally leave the people too. I wonder what makes me that way? The good news is that my New Hampshire people and I have remained in contact. Former students--Sarah, Maria, Lynn, etc. and friends--Mary, Paula, Sherry, etc. It is nice. We are going to be in New Hampshire the third week of August, so I hope to see lots of the people from my past.

Anyway, this entry isn't really exciting, but it is basically the same as my day. A little blah, but not bad :)
Amber

ps--I have to write about my idea for a writer's notebook next time. And, I have the huge confession to my book club friends: I can't get in to The Eyre Affair at all! I tried. Lot's of times. We are still going to meet, but I'm going to listen. (HA!) Why can't I ever suspend my disbelief? Don't forget--it is next Thursday. Even if you didn't read, like me, come anyway.

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. "

My sister sent this to me today--they are all pictures of my mom. I picked the quote because I think it directly applies to her--and now, to me. With six kids, I know she frequently went without so that we could have more. For most of my childhood my family would definitely have been considered wealthy, but when I was pretty young--maybe ten, I know that my mom sacrificed something for me that has turned out to have a lasting effect. Back then, we didn't have a lot of money, and I know she had to budget things much like I do now.

My dad was out of town, and we were going to go to Burger King for dinner. We stopped at a Hallmark to pick up a card. While we were at the Hallmark I found the most amazing item I'd ever seen in my life: a diary, with a little key. I remember begging for it, almost panicked that I might not get to own it. I had never kept a diary (yet) but I knew it was something I had to do. My mom didn't make a big deal about it, but she bought it. Then, we went home and she made us dinner. It may not sound like the hugest sacrifice, but I know what it feels like to want a night off from cooking, someone else to clean up, etc. She gave up her freedom for that night so that I could have a diary. I still have it. And, consequently, about twenty others. That was the first of my writing life. The bookshelf Matty gave me for mother's day holds that diary.

Now, I know what it is like to give up time, energy, personal preference (I don't really want to watch the same video again!), for others. My mom regularly put us first. She and I are really different people--I tend to be a lot more like my dad--but I can see how much she gave all of us. It takes distance and time and experience to really understand the impact something can have. I doubt I would have been scarred for life if I didn't get that diary twenty five years ago, but I'm really glad that my mom gave up her freedom for that night so that I could find mine in writing. The funny thing is that she probably wouldn't even remember this story because it was the kind of the thing she did all the time.

I've never thanked her, but if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, she should be flattered. I don't think twice about giving up something I want for Zoey or Ollie. That is my mother's legacy.

Amber

"Hey! What a wonderful kind of day. Hey!"

We had an amazing time at Arthur. It really couldn't have been more flawless. I love this shadowy photo of Zoey and me. I think I am most impressed about how long my hair is! I've been thinking of getting it cut, but I may be inspired now to keep it through the summer. The map in the background is the curtain to the show. Our seats were AMAZINGLY close--3rd row in the "pit." Ollie was asleep the entire time-start to finish. Zoey came out of the theater wanting to know when we could build a stage and put on a play. She proclaimed that she wanted to be in "shows" when she grows up. Last week she wanted to be a firefighter.
I love this picture of Matty and Ollie. He was bundled up in the sling the whole night. Everyone tells us how much Ollie and Matty look alike, and I think this picture shows that. It was really cool to do our first big Chandler outing.

". . . it's love that gives you the strength. It's being nice to people and having a lot of fun and laughing."

Yes, I am quoting Drew Barrymore. This picture is from Mother's Day before we went to church. I wasn't about to wake Ollie, but Zoey is always ready for the camera, just like me. It is not that I think I look amazing in every picture, as I clearly don't--it's that I love to be able to time travel back to moments like this.

Right now, my whole family is sleeping in preparation for the big night out. We are going to see Arthur. It is a live production at Artpark. Considering Matty was up until midnight working on deadline and his college class final, I even got him to take a nap for once. This way, hopefully, everyone will be up for the big event. It's actually funny. I love live events so much that I am excited. It's not Barenaked Ladies, or 311, or Tori Amos, but it is amazing in a different way. Vicariously, I suppose. Zoey gets so excited. She has been talking about this all week. I foster this passion and excitement very carefully. The ability to get excited about your life is what separates the happy people from the bored people.

My dad was the one who really taught me that lesson, by example. He always made things in to an adventure. It didn't really have to be a big deal--it could be a long walk, flying a kite, playing videogames, etc. It was always "the greatest nature walk of all time" or "seeing if we can beat the world record for the highest flying kite" or "the ultimate championship of Frogger." So, I pass this on to Zoey. Of course, it is easy to exploit this type of adventure seeking. My college boyfriend, Tim, convinced me to go on many crazy roadtrips by calling it an "adventure" or pointing out how we had to take advantage of our youth. Matty, also able to spot my weakness/strength a mile away, has explained that I don't actually need much "convincing" at all, just the appropriate co-conspirator.

Thus, when we have to do something we don't like or want to do, we always call on the fact that "We are Chandlers." When we make something small, like Arthur, in to the grand adventure of a lifetime, "We are Chandlers." I like this about us. Zoey has already developed this. When I was pregnant (and miserable) I frequently needed to get out of the house and do something, but I A) didn't have much to do B) didn't have money to do it with and C) wasn't in condition to do much of anything. Zoey and I developed the Target adventure. For $7.00 we got hot dogs, drinks, and each of us bouhgt something from the dollar aisle. We'd look around for an hour or so--contented for a little while to be on our Target adventure.

Zoey just padded down the stairs, Ollie is stirring. Time for our "amazing" dinner of dino nuggets, french fries, and mac and cheese for Zoey's grand adventure to see Arthur. I'm pretty psyched :)
Amber

"Converting calories into gas, a bicycle gets the equivalent of three thousand miles per gallon"

So, I didn't have much money this morning, but I needed gas. I put in $5.00 worth and the LOW FUEL light didn't even go off. Thus, the quote of the day. I remember in college that gas was $1.00 per gallon--it took $13.00 to fill the old Cavelier Rally Sport. I told my students that once and they didn't believe me.

I had an amazing mother's day, but I will save that for another post after I get the pictures uploaded. All I'll say is this: the day started with bacon and ended with a movie ALL BY MYSELF! I highly reccommend "Getting Over Sarah Marshall," but considering that I haven't been to the movies in ages, I may reccommend anything. Seriously, it has some very funny lines. I'm sure I'll eventually quote from it.

For today, I am going to post something really random. I found a "flash fiction" story that I wrote back in February. I entered it in a Buffalo News contest (I didn't win), but no one has really read it. Enjoy. So, here it is:

Two Twenties, a Ten, and a Bag of Doritos

The Walgreen’s on the corner of Abbott and Ridge was silent except for the occasional cough and of course the annoying comment Anna had just heard from the girl in front of her. The silence made it seem even more surreal—the beginning of a bad joke, “It was Tuesday, after midnight, and an Indian guy, a young couple, and a big fat pregnant lady were waiting to get their prescriptions filled. . . ”

Anna’s husband was in the car with their daughter who was asleep in her car seat, contented to drift off to Dora the Explorer singing “We’ve Got the Beat.” He was irritated that three hours in a waiting room in excruciating pain yielded a diagnosis of constipation, with directions to “get this filled tonight and stay near a toilet.” Tom didn’t want to go in to the pharmacy in his Santa pajama bottoms. Anna wore a huge sweatshirt and stretch pants, not really flattering on anyone. For a woman in her third trimester who had already gained what amounted to a healthy 3-year-old—well, Anna thought, maybe I do look like a “big fat pregnant lady.”

The whole snippet was actually, “Can you believe it? There’s a big fat pregnant lady behind us!” She’d only heard this comment because the pharmacy was so quiet, and the girl was a good foot shorter than the Oafy guy she was with. They too were in pajamas. He had on flannel pants with cows on them. Her bottoms were fuzzy, a pattern Anna recognized as last year’s Old Navy. When Anna had moved to Buffalo from Philadelphia, she had admired Western New York’s unwritten rule that if one must travel out after 9 o’clock on a weeknight, then pajamas were socially acceptable.

The pharmacist was attempting to explain something to the Indian man. Finally, he smiled and walked away, though empty handed. Anna wondered if he was secretly a sociopath. This is what Anna did. She made up stories. This silence was grating and Muzak, even the acoustic version of Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror,” would have cured the pharmacy of the awkward social silence which made everyone seem like a voyeur or an exhibitionist. When you weren’t talking, you were listening. When you were talking, everyone else was listening.

“Next,” the pharmacist said, too loudly for the three people who were standing there. There was an annoying ringing sound. “Register’s out of tape. Just a second,” she said, rolling her eyes. “What a night.”

The couple stepped forward, careful avoiding Anna’s gaze. Anna, tired and irritated, was staring. The girl grabbed his hand. Finally, after huffing and sighing, the pharmacist looked up. The Oaf said, “We need a ‘Morning-After-Pill.’”

The pharmacist walked away without a word. The girl looked up at the Oaf and said, “It’s totally worth it, ya know?” He nodded.

“$44.17,” the pharmacist said. He took out two twenties and a ten. Anna, now downright rude, was watching with open interest. After four years of trying to get pregnant with Marissa, this was like a car wreck you couldn’t turn away from.

“You want to get some Doritos or something?” the Oaf asked as they walked away. He handed her the bag and pocketed the change.

Now that Anna was at the counter, she could see the dark circles under the pharmacist’s eyes and the dullness of her hair. “Long night, this one. Ya want my job sweetie?”

“Nope. Just this,” Anna said rubbing her belly gratefully, passing the woman her prescription.

"All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone"

This picture is from Zoey's birthday party, and I took it because it cracked me up. There was chaos everywhere, but here is Ollie ("parked" with all the other baby carriers) just chillin' out and taking a rest. I chose today's quote because of how quiet my house has been for the last three hours.

I haven't mentioned it here, but Ollie HATES mornings. He is an amazingly good baby, but between nine and eleven, he is really fussy. So much so, that Zoey and I worked out a plan of hugging each other when we couldn't stand it! Anyway, I'm not complaining because he is the best baby I've ever heard of--sleeping, etc. However, after the rocky morning, he is a saint all day. He's sleeping, Zoey is at Chris', and Matty is at college. My main goal in life today was to complete the laundry (Note to future working mom self: staying home is NOT all it is cracked up to be. Remember that there is nothing very fulfilling about laundry, dishes, etc. Try to downplay the cuddle times on the couch with both kids, the eight books I have read, the time to write a ton here!) and I'm on the last load. So, here I am, in silence. Enjoying every minute.

I'm going to go soon and search for vacation info. Matty and I just decided to go to Maine/NH for a much needed family vacation in August. We have not gone on a real vacation (not involving visiting someone) since our honeymoon. I am excited to plan our trip!

More later. I'd rather write during the chaos than sacrifice the blessed silence right now!
Amber

“It's good to be just plain happy. . . "

Just a plain happy day. I said, "My kids" today for the first time. Here they are, enough to just be happy about. Funny how easy it is to forget the just plain happy things.

Amber

"She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain"

Louisa May Alcott's quote could equally apply to me or Zoey. She loves to read, and if I influence her in no other way, I think that this is most important. She wants to know what signs say, what I am reading, etc. I love that she wants to tell stories as well. Anyway, this was Zoey on Saturday with Clifford at the Lakeshore Library.

A very big event in Zoey's life is coming up this week. She will be starting storytime. I think my first memory is of storytime. My mom took us to the library every week and let us check out ten books each. (An indication of how big reading was for us) Storytime was held in this recessed little area at the side of the library. There were carpeted big steps that we'd sit and stand on. First, we'd sing. I remember particularly singing "I'm a Little Teapot" and doing the motions because some of the kids (not me, I was too orderly, like Zoey) would throw themselves off the steps when we'd sing "I'll pour out." Their wildness frightened me, much like Johnny fears Hester's wild family in A Prayer for Own Meany. I LOVED listening to the librarian read. I remember being in awe of her ability to read and turn the pages so well. I am excited to live vicariously through Zoey as she starts storytime. It will be very interesting to see how she reacts.

I'm supposed to be reading Thursday Next for bookclub, but I have it on order at the library. Instead, I'm re-reading This Much I Know is True by Wally Lamb. Phenomenal, even a second time. Breastfeeding is easier with a book.

Well, I'll write more later. I'm going to read :)
Amber

"Sleep 'til you're hungry, eat 'til you're sleepy"

My sweet little sleeper. Ollie basically lives by this quote right now. If he is not eating, he is sleeping. I've been warned that this won't last, and I actually look forward to getting to know him a little better. Of course, those of you reading this who have had a baby who won't sleep may send me hate mail. HOWEVER, before you do, realize that the doctor said he slept like this because he was eating so much (nursing!) that he was passing out in order to digest it. So, I am a little tired myself.

Today was the "Taste of Evangel" at church. I'd really like to organize something like this for one of the last days of school. Essentially, everyone makes their specialty. You purchase tickets and buy a little of what you'd like. (I include this description because I'd never heard of something like this until Taste of Buffalo). Anyway, it would be really cool to do for a final dress down day. I'm going to see if we can do something like this--maybe the money raised could go to a soup kitchen. Hmmm... anyway, it was fun. Matty made his "New England Corn Chowda"--those of you who have been to the annual Chandler Soup Party would recognize it. It was really fun, and yummy, to taste all the different dishes.

I still have a month left until I return to work. I'm going to enjoy the time, as I know that I will NEVER be on maternity leave again :) Two is plenty! I watch some of the super frazzled parents at church who have four or five kids. Maybe they know something I don't, but I can't see how you have enough energy to go around.

Anyway, nothing too exciting to report here. It is a lazy Sunday. I can brag that I am 100% current on my scrapbooking thanks to marathon naps yesterday. Matty and I got so much done while the kiddos were sleeping. I'm going to send out some pictures tomorrow, but I thought I'd post this one of Ollie. He is such a blessing. In fact, that is really what I am feeling today. Blessed. A good job, a great family, a wonderful home, supportive and interesting friends, and sunshine. What more could I want?!
Amber