Finally, a moment to finish this trilogy blog. The quote's title is from Zora Neale Hurston, still one of my favorite writers--not so much for what she wrote (which is good) but for how she lived. Anyway.
Now on to the post-Zoey era. Seeing Matty become a daddy was the moment that a new channel of love for him opened up, never to be closed. At the hospital, he just sort of took over things. I never expected that my quiet and shy Matty (that many of you can't fathom), would suddenly dance down the hallways singing "Lola" to our little Zoey, pass out birthday cake to strangers (I turned 31 in the hospital), and suddenly--from deep within Matty crawled this amazingly confident and capable parent. It was a transformation that has informed the rest of his life and mine. I had always loved Matty for his many wonderful qualities, but over the course of those three days I came to admire him as well.
When Zoey was only a few months old, Matty lost his job--essentially downsized. We decided that he would stay home with her for awhile--we didn't know how long. It was the best serendipitious disaster (it seemed) that could have happened. Since then, Zoey and Matty have an undeniable bond ("Maybe my daddy would understand me"), Matty is in school to be a teacher, and he has become a professional reporter/freelancer. He was never happy as a manager, and though writing is stressful, he is definitely happy. I love his writing--he has an awesome turn of phrase and great wit. His humor is always interesting. (Just ask the "Arm the Bears" letter writing campaign) I wish he could actually hear all the compliments people pass on to me.
In many ways, he inspires me to push myself because he is always pushing himself. This past year he encouraged me to publish more. An article I wrote, "Act Your Age," appeared in In Transitions magazine. I know I wouldn't have written it without his encouragement--the nudge. He is always striving (back to that first picture), and it is a great feeling to jump in to his plans with him.
Zoey, of course, changed everything. I'm sure a child always does, but Zoey came to us after thinking that we couldn't have kids. We were also unprepared for the impact she would have on our lives. There is nothing more amazing that a baby, except maybe a toddler! We can't get over her. Sometimes it is like we have a little old lady living with us--she is that profound at times. Other times, as she howls and pretends she is a wolf, it is evident that she inherited Matty's goofy gene. She does seem to be the best of both of us, with a few of our own flaws thrown in for good measure. No doubt she is overly emotional--like us. Stubborn, like us. Loves books and learning, like us. A memory like Matty. Loves stories, like us. She can be "difficult" like me.
The best thing that Zoey brings to us is our sense of doing things right. She unites us in our desire to be good parents, to develop a human being--or, as Matty said a long time ago, "I make my own people!" Yes, we made her, but she is continually making us in to different people as well.
And now, we are on the precipise of something else. I am struggling with the "time in between," as I always do. I am anxious to meet Ollie and see what happens next. You never know. That is mostly what I have learned over the past 11 years hanging out with Matty. You just never know. From Zoey--every day she wakes up and the first thing she asks is "What interesting/fun/cool/thing are we going to do today?" I've learned to make something interesting/fun/cool thing happen. If I keep those two things in mind--"You never know" and the power to make things happen, then I think we'll be ok :)
Matty is still my best friend after all this time. I alluded to the fact that his soul crawled out and became an amazing parent, but mine emerged as well--nothing is the same and Matty has made me who I am now. I happen to like myself, and he deserves much of the credit for coaxing my soul along.
Amber
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